Blueberry pie and whipped cream

So now that the new year is right around the corner, I figured I may as well write a resolution blog like everyone else. However, mine is a bit different cause it's more of a list of things I really want to do. My one real resolution is that I'd like to handle disagreements with the Hawk better. Pre-deployment things got so bad, we weren't sure we'd make it. Things are great now, but it took a lot of work. Other than that, my list is shaping up quite well:

1. Train for a marathon. (Hawk and I are going to do this together)

2. Finish remodeling our spare bedroom.

3. Bake myself a blueberry pie from scratch! ( I can cook anything but never been a good baker)

4. Plant a garden

5. Learn to can food. (my tattoo artist is actually going to teach me)

6. Finish my degree!!

7. GET MY DRIVERS LICENSE

8. Lost 25 lbs this year, and I'm going to lose 25 more

I'm sure more things will get added. I never made a resolution before and it's not about making a commitment for a new year, but more of focusing on what makes me happy. (and keeps me out of trouble #7)

This year is going to be the biggest of my life. In March my Hawk is coming home from Iraq. In July our house becomes ours, free and clear. In October we are getting married on our 6th Anniversary! Also, I won't be able to map out the timeline until he gets home, but He has baby fever so we will be planning for that too!

New and Improved Ray Bird ;)

SO, I got my hair cut today. I cant exactly describe the relationship my hair and I have. In a nutshell, I was raised by hippies, my mom didnt cut her hair for 30 years and therefore I was not allowed to cut my hair until I was 18. Not kidding, I know its freakin' weird but it is what it is. So over the past 6 years I have been slowly losing the length. This year I cut a foot off, including 5 inches today. It's the shortest I've ever had it, obviously and it's taking some getting used to. I've always been known for my super long hair. It's my thing. However, I am a new woman and I need a new THING! After 11 months of living through this wretched deployment, 2 years of school and more life changes than I can count, I am not the same person anymore. I am independent, mature and professional. I needed my exterior to reflect that, so he I am! On a not so narcissistic note, my Hawk was given the new position of company commander today and his first mission as leader is TOMORROW!! It's a big responsibility and a huge step in his career. I'm so proud of him, he has come so far this past year too! It was so funny today as he told me how nervous he was that he might mess up tomorrow. He is the best soldier I've ever met. He takes his oath very serious and he is just intuitive about his job. In contrast, in civilian life hes like a big kid, as easy going as a human can be, and such a helpful kind man. Good luck to you Hawk, you got this!

Just a Hawk and a Hummingbird

3 weeks ago, my Hawk was home on R&R, we took lots of pics and this is my fave :) AThey all keep saying 90 days until this deployment ends but they've been saying that for 3 weeks. I don't know how much longer he has but I know that 90 more days is about all I can take. After 4 1/2 years of being inseparable, I've seen Hawk less than 45 days this year. Our relationship is definitely suffering. Its crazy because before this deployment we were the strongest couple I've ever seen in my life. I guess no couple is safe when one is in the military. I'm gearing up for a miserable Christmas... this is so not like me. I used to be so happy, now I feel like my future is vanishing right before my eyes. We rarely talk on the phone but when we do, we fight, I cry. Its very strained. I refuse to give up on us and he says he does too, but I don't even know him anymore. I don't trust him, I feel like he's imaginary most of the time. It really sucks because I have very few close friends. My best friend is an Army wife too, so thats helpful, but the rest of the people around... Lets just say that they are showing their true colors. I have no family around and Hawk's fam is petty and selfish and they don't even keep in contact with him, let alone me. I hope we can last, but who knows.

One more full day for my baby before his flight

For the past 6 months I have been renovating my house by myself. I have projects going on in every single room and only so much time in each day, ha. I have completely overhauled my bedroom, ripping up 2 nasty layers of shag carpet, all the tack strip, baseborads, random nails padding and stapes etc. . . I am lucky because I have the original parquet floor underneath and it is very pretty. I was goign to lay laminate so thankfully I saved time and probably many headaches learning how to do that! I got all new furniture for the living room and set it up very nice. Finally my kitchen. Ah, kitchen, the bane of my F'ing existence. Before Hawk left he sanded down the doors (they had a very nice thick layer of laquer and nicotine on em). I let them sit for oh, 8 months or so (Im a procrastinator like you would not believe) and then finally began painstakingly doing alternating sides each day. 3 layers of paint later and some chic new hardware they are almost ready to hang. One more night of curing and thank god my kitchen will be done, and nice and bright!
Tomorrow I have a million errands to run and a ton of loose ends on my little projects that I need to tie up. Finally after 6 long months of my love being in Iraq (and 11 months since we spent any time together) my Hawk is FINALLY coming home for 2 decadent weeks of R&R. I don't think I have ever looked forward to anything this much in my life. I know things are going to be different but our relationship is stronger than any other I have ever seen. I somehow managed to find a truly good man so easily without even looking. I feel for all the girls out there that are looking for a good guy and don't believe they exist. My amazing Hawkeye may be one of a kind ;)

R&R time is almost here!!

15 days and my Hawk will be here!! Im so excited, since it is our first deployment together, I dont know what to expect but Im making all sorts of fun plans! This pic was from his 4 day leave before he deployed, I hadn't seen him in 3 months, and I havent seen him since April 22nd!

Today is our 5 year anniversary

Hawk and I have been inseperable since day 1. We never had any doubts, for some reason we just clicked. We moved in together within 3 weeks of meeting. Our first year and a half together we never had so much as a disagreement, ha. We should have been doomed! The past 3 years have been especially hard. We lost my Mom out of nowhere. And I do mean "we" because Hawk and my Mom were very close. We survived 2 activations and near deployment of his Reserve unit. We moved to Florida, the worst time of our life, and back home to Ohio. We dealt with being robbed 3 times, roommates from hell, estrangements from family and so on. SO many things that could break a person, let alone a young couple. And we are halfway thru a 400 day deployment to Iraq. However with all the bad things, so much good has happened and I know my life would be unrecognizable without "US" not just him, but who I am with his support and love. I'm not an emotional person or a sappy, sweet girl. But this is an amazing man, and an amazing love and I know how lucky we are to have found happiness. A year from today we're getting married, we already own a house and we have so many plans for our future :) Happy Anniversary Baby!

SO Its 2:40 in the morning

I can't sleep. Uncharacteristically my baby dog, Guinness is curled up on my lap. He's usually running around destroying cities, but not today. Im supposed to be sleeping because I have to be up at 5 to do a charity walk. Its for a foundation called Out of the Darkness, and they work to promote suicide awareness and prevention. My Besties mom commited suicide when she was 13 so it is a cause close to our hearts. Another reason why I'm doing it personally is, I come from a military family and having at least a dozen good friends in the military, not to mention the Fiance, suicide rates are EXTREMELY high in the military and it scares me.
Speaking of the Fiance, I spent most of my night assembling a Halloween care package for my Hawk, I filled it with candy, homemade (from scratch) cookies, a couple of scary movies and some other surprises. When I put together these care packages, it takes me hours because I put so much thought into them. His family is worthless, they don't send him anything at all! Not even a freaking letter. He finally told me how much this upsets him, so I make extra special packages for him and write him lots of letters. The countdown is at 39 days! He will be here in a few short weeks, and I get 2 weeks uninterrupted with him.
I never thought I'd have to go through an entire year without my Hawk. October 20th will mark our 5 year anniversary, and we've been inseparable since day 1, literally. Hes my world and I know I'm his. We're lucky to have such an amazing relationship, but it makes this ridiculously hard.