Saturday, December 12, 2009

Just a Hawk and a Hummingbird

3 weeks ago, my Hawk was home on R&R, we took lots of pics and this is my fave :) AThey all keep saying 90 days until this deployment ends but they've been saying that for 3 weeks. I don't know how much longer he has but I know that 90 more days is about all I can take. After 4 1/2 years of being inseparable, I've seen Hawk less than 45 days this year. Our relationship is definitely suffering. Its crazy because before this deployment we were the strongest couple I've ever seen in my life. I guess no couple is safe when one is in the military. I'm gearing up for a miserable Christmas... this is so not like me. I used to be so happy, now I feel like my future is vanishing right before my eyes. We rarely talk on the phone but when we do, we fight, I cry. Its very strained. I refuse to give up on us and he says he does too, but I don't even know him anymore. I don't trust him, I feel like he's imaginary most of the time. It really sucks because I have very few close friends. My best friend is an Army wife too, so thats helpful, but the rest of the people around... Lets just say that they are showing their true colors. I have no family around and Hawk's fam is petty and selfish and they don't even keep in contact with him, let alone me. I hope we can last, but who knows.

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