Can we paint it? YES WE CAN

Ok, so lately I feel like all I have been doing is painting. I've painted my bedroom 4 times! 2 coats of primer, then 2 coats of paint. The people that lived here before us must have died of lung cancer because there is so much nicotine seeping out of my walls that I think I have it. The first coat of primer was fine..for 1 day. Then it yellowed. I was painting the walls blue so I didnt need discoloration. Whatever, long story short, my room is a beautiful blue :). Next up, my yearlong kitchen remodel that I only work on when I'm bored. Hawk took the doors off a year ago and sanded them down. I have been meaning to paint the entire inside and outside of all the cabinets. But its boring ha. So here I am a year later and they are half white, and I have not even started on the doors. Today brought a new project, my window panes. The house has newer vinyl double paned window, and they are very nice. However, for some reason the panes outside are black metal. It looks dirty and ridiculous, so today I gave them all a good cleaning and painted them bright, freash white. It looks great against my grass green house. I think my arms are going to fall off, but I'll survive. And by the way, I'm counting down to my Hawk's leave. I have 45 days until I see him again...

What a day

SO, I hadn't chatted with Hawk (since we hardly ever get to talk, we chat) in 10 days. Last week on Tuesday there were some casualties in the part of the country he was traveling through. Now, normally I don't ever hear about these causualties because I make it a point to not watch the news, or read the papers. They like to sensationalize everything, and I'm a worrier by nature anyway.
My best -friend is another wife in the Unit and she has the same outlook on the news as I do. Ignorance is bliss when your man is deployed. Anyhow, Bestie was at work, minding her own business, when her sister-in-law (who is not close to Bestie or BestiesHubby at all) decided that we just HAD to know about said casualties. Panic ensued, for Bestie and myself.
I mean, day-to-day Hawk is safe. I know this. This is not his first deployment to Iraq (it happens to be his first with me, though) and the last tour was HELL, everyday. He engaged in a lot of hand to hand combat, as well as shootouts and more. Anyway, after years of hearing these stories I somehow allow myself to ignore his declarations of boredom, and his assurances of safety. I freak the hell out. All I can think is, the worst could be coming.
The way it works is, the DOD (dept of defense) releases names 2 days after an incident, or whenever next of kin has been notified. So, for 2 days I walked around my house stealing glances out the window. Every military wife knows what I was envisioning. That car pulling in my driveway with 2 uniformed men. I am lucky, my man was not among those lost. And in one second of reading those names I can finally breathe again. Until my heart breaks for all those other Hawks lost and all those Rays left behind.
My baby is safe, and he is back to his homebase for a couple of days. Then the battle will be back on my doorstep, in a way. 210 more days my Hawk is deployed, we are almost halfway done. I can't imagine who could possibly read my ramblings, but I will tell them this, I will never be the same again, as I mourn each death in my own way. Hawk is my everything, and each of those soldiers is somebodies everything.

My Hawk

So I really dont want to be one of those girls who's hubby is the center of the universe. I am a very independant, self-reliant person, but I gotta admit, ever since the man deployed I'm miserable. It isn't just normal being alone, as he is away fighting in a war. I have to worry about him 24-7 and it takes a toll. I am a college student and my financial aid got messed up this semester, due to me transfering schools. I now have 4 months to kill before class resumes. I currently don't work so I'm going stir crazy! I spend my day cleaning, playing with my 3 dogs, trying to motivate myself to workout, and reading. I'm so bored all the time. I will continue the job search, but it's hard because the Library System in Ohio has gotten their funding cut. There aren't many job openings, and since I don't have my Masters Degree yet, I'm usually unqualified.