AT

For the last 2 weeks, M has been on the road with his unit. It's annual training time in the reservist world. Left to my own devices, I've read a lot of books, planted a lot of different plants, painted lots of things outside (window trim, garage door, garage trim) and watched 70 episodes of 30 Rock on Netflix.

70 episodes. How did I even...?

I've been watching a lot of documentaries too, so many of them heartbreaking, I don't know why I do it to myself.

I don't normally watch TV, the only show I like is "How I Met Your Mother" which I normally watch online. I am loving Netflix though, it makes nice background noise when I'm sewing in the evenings. I've been altering a lot of clothes lately and I'm learning to use a sewing machine. I've always sewn by hand, even making curtains and my own clothes, but I figured it was finally time I step into the 19th century and learn to master the sewing machine I bought 5 years ago.

When I started this blog, it was just to ramble when M was deployed. Now that life is a bit calmer and I've figured out (sorta, for now) what my hobby is (kinda?) I thought I'd post a few outfits and eventually even clothes I've made. I definitely have my own style, why not share :)

Video linkup week 11

I'm obviously a crazy dog lady. To enforce that:

ha!

Join the weekly video linkup here: Deployment (again)

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

1. When you vacation what type of vacation do you like to take (beach, historic, adventurous, food oriented, etc.)? submitted by Megan Dub-Yuh

I am definitely not a beach person! I prefer places that have lots of history, and I also love architecture, so a place that has a LOT of old buildings and cemeteries. These places also tend to be food oriented :)

2. What is your best memory associated with a song (you know we all have tons!)? submitted by Ramblings of a Marine Wife
About 8 months into mine and M's relationship, his unit was activated to deploy, we were really young and couldn't afford to go anywhere like most people were doing. One of his older Army friends and his wife were heading to the Florida Keys for a week and they asked (let us) house sit for them for a week. During that week, we listened to this song non-stop, which is now "our song"

the memory is happy because it was around this time that we decided we would get engaged, and also, his unit ended up delaying the deployment.

3. If you had six months with no obligations or financial constraints, what would you do with your time? submitted by Married to the Army
I would spend the time exploring Europe and Australia. I am madly in love with Dublin, and I can't wait to go back. I also have a huge list of cities I want to visit and things I want to do in each one

4. What is one thing about you that people do NOT typically notice at first that you wish they would? submitted by Our Motto is Patience
I don't really know what people notice about me. I'm sarcastic and have a weird sense of humor, so I'd hope they realize that 90% of the crazy things I say, I'm just joking to amuse myself

5. …. submitted by The Three Turners: It’s a summer of sequels, and if you had to live in one of each of the following “worlds” (there are three total) which would you choose and why?

–X-Men: Be a Mutant, what would your power be? I just saw the newest X-Men movie yesterday and I think I'd like to have the power of telepathy

–Harry Potter: Be a Witch or Muggle? I've already been a Muggle for 24 years, I'd rather be a witch

–Twilight: Be a Vampire or Werewolf? So not even interested in living in Twilight world

I don't have a green thumb, but...

I try!

We had a garden last year, and unfortunately discovered that our soil isn't ideal for most veggies, so this year we built a raised bed and are trying it out. If all goes well, next year we'll add 3 more identical beds and will grow, freeze, and can most of our veggies for the year. It's bigger than it looks, and I haven't filled it yet! It's a little over 4 ft wide and 12 ft long

The pics aren't perfect, I am not much of a photog but you get the idea! We're growing a couple varieties of heirloom tomatoes, eggplants, spinach and a few types of peppers. Also, this year we're growing corn for the first time. I have a separate (not so pretty) herb garden and some rogue onions that I planted last year (they didn't grow). They are definitely thriving this year!

I've got more seeds growing, they're almost big enough to be re-planted. They include poppies, bachelor's buttons, peonies, heirloom kaleidoscope carrots. romaine lettuce, sweet peas, marigolds, and summer squash.

I also grow roses, this bush is an attempt to hide the gas meter

They make great cut flowers too, and I love having them around the house.

My days can be so hectic and stressful, but my quiet neighborhood and sweet little garden make me so happy. It's just calm here.

This is Lindsay

This is the funniest viral video I've seen this week! Too bad it's a "serious" short film ;)

LINDSAY LOHAN from V Magazine on Vimeo.

No words.

link up your own fave viral video over at Deployment (again)

whew it's hot!

I've been spending a lot of time in the garden! I was planning on finally posting pictures of our new raised bed (which is awesome btw) but by the time I was done planting my new rose bush, it was too dark. Just my luck :)

So instead I have different pics. I spent a couple hours today grooming my dogs. I know, my life is exciting right?

M is in the field, so I've been left to my own devices, what can I say?

But anyway, look at my boys!

This is Charley. He's a rescue and he's about 2 1/2. He was pulled from death row by a sweet lady the DAY BEFORE he was scheduled to be euthanized. He was left in a box at the pound as a puppy . He was so dirty and covered in fleas, they didn't know he was white.

Charley couldn't be a sweeter, lovable dog. I hate to think too much about his past because it was such a close call. I was told he's a Parson Jack Russell mix

This is Guinness, he wouldn't hold still for a pic haha! He's the dog I've had the longest, and he's spoiled rotten (they all are). I've had him since 2007. He's a full blood Cairn Terrier (like Toto) and I've pretty much mangled his breed standard haircut, but the poor thing was overgrown and needed some relief :)

Guinness is my baby! He's the best, even though he's really stubborn, he's just about the smartest dog I've ever seen. He's really sweet and quirky. Cairns are known for their expressive eyes, and it's amazing what he seems to understand.

Do you have a dog?

No Other Outlet

I normally wouldn't post this but, I've got no other outlet so, why not?

15 months ago, I had a fiance just home from 15 months away with the Army.

(they say that you need the same amount of time to re-adjust as you were apart)

The time has flown by, since the homecoming. We're married now! Life goes on, right?

But it's not that simple.

While my husband was gone, I changed immensely. I've always been independent, but we've been together about 7 years, and going from that to being truly alone for over a year, is a different kind of independence. I, of course, have friends and a little family who were distractions, but most of the time I was on my own, doing my own thing.

M also changed too. This wasn't his first deployment, he'd been there in '03 for a year as well, and that time was much more scary, and he saw combat on a daily basis. This deployment there was obviously a certain element of danger. But he never saw combat this time, never fired a round, etc.. it was a completely different type of year. If that makes any sense...

So naively naturally I expected him to come home relatively the same, and normal old M. You can only guess what will happen during re-integration, but I thought we'd have an easier time. A smoother transition and then on with our lives.

But it didn't happen.

He came home quieter, much less outgoing. He has a TBI, from an explosion is '03 which complicates things. He has PTSD, it makes him withdrawn and he can't focus, has no motivation. He has severe road rage (he's in a Transportation unit, so he was always driving while deployed) which has led to some pretty scary situations. No ambition, never wants to do anything, can't be bothered to try and so on.

But worse than that, we barely even speak anymore. And when we do, it ALWAYS becomes a fight. Theres no way to prepare for what happens after a deployment. Every single situation is different. I've seen at least a dozen marriages end, just with soldiers from M's unit. I know of only 2 couples that are ok, but they seem to be the exception to the rule.

I've done so much research and we've been going to counseling on and off (whenever the VA can find the time for us, or him solo)

It really sucks to not be able to enjoy ANY part of being a newlywed. It's like I married a stranger. I want my fiance back. I'm pretty much heartbroken.