A Year in Structured Review

I borrowed this from Slynnro, who's waaayyyy more interesting, but I need to get back into the swing of blogging. What better way?

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I had a homecoming with my Soldier. He was gone for 15 months, he came home in March!

I got my passport!

I got married!

I flew on an Airplane for the first time.

I went to Ireland!

I went on my first boat/cruise ship as well and saw my first Major League Baseball game.

I spent an amazing weekend in Charlotte

I drove 8 hrs each direction to Philadelphia to see my favorite band play, and stopped to see the Liberty Bell on the way home.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any. My NYE was horrific and I actually lost friends over it.

HOWEVER, this year I am making one. I would like to learn to knit. My Mom taught me to crochet when I was really little, but knitting is a whole new ballgame! I already bought a pair of needles and have practiced. wooo?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My Sister-In-Law had a gorgeous little blue-eyed girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?


Yes, Hawk's Aunt who we were both very close to. He couldn't come home for the funeral :(

5. What countries did you visit?


Ireland!


6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Less stress

More time with my Dad, my brother and my step-daughter

Good books!

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The date in March when my (then) Fiance came home from the war!

June 9th, we went to see the Tall Ships
which I've always been fascinated with.

My wedding day, the day we flew to Ireland, November 9th, we went on my fave road trip yet.

2010 was a wonderful year

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Getting married? We were engaged for years, and I was not in ANY hurry. The right time finally came

9. What was your biggest failure?
no idea?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Passport, hands down

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My 3 dogs, their behavior has improved greatly. I've been working with them for some time.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


My childhood best friend, who continues to make the worst decisions possible for herself and her sons. Her fiance.
(yeah they wrecked NYE)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Home Improvement projects, car repair, honeymoon!

15. What did you get really excited about?
Wedding, Honeymoon, any chance I get to travel. Seeing fave singers in amazing venues

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Mumford and Son's Little Lion Man. I'm OBSESSED with the band, that's not my fave song by them but I'll never forget the first time I heard them. And they played THIS

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

(a) happier or sadder?
(b) thinner or fatter?
(c) richer or poorer?

(a) Happier. My husband is here with me

(b) Thinner

(c) Poorer. Civilian pay doesn't compare to deployment pay. Who cares? I have everything I need and many, many things I want!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Seen my bff since our husbands came home, taken more classes


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



I wish I worried less. I wish I didn't let myself be so stressed about things

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve was at the In-Laws and Christmas Day, I was pretty sick, but went to my best-friend's house and kept it low key

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I did, with Mumford and Son's. I know I talk about them constantly, but they just changed my life. Period.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I love American Pickers, If Walls Could Talk and How I Met Your Mother

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Ha NO! I dont hate many people but I sure have hated them for a long time

24. What was the best book you read?


It's one of my mom's books, I inherited. Called "Wide Meadows", I love it.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


One last Mumford reference

26. What did you want and get?


I just wanted to travel, and I did more this year than ever.

27. What did you want and not get?

My degree.


28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I liked Inception a lot, and Despicable Me.


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24, my brother took us out to Buca Di Beppo for the first time. I LOVED it!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


A different car that didn't break down twice, while hubby was out of town.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?


I fell in love with dresses this year.

32. What kept you sane?



 My husband, Bexxx (my BFF)
My dogs, and music

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
NPH!

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Not even gonna go there.

35. Who did you miss?


My mom. She's been gone for 4 years now. Time is flying. I can't even imagine what it's like to have that support. I could have used it this year.

36. Who was the best new person you met?


A fellow Army wife I actually met at the Homecoming ceremony. Love her!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.


Can't say I found any great insight this year.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't want to so...

That sums up 2010, I suppose. Hopefully next year I can post more. I definitely do interesting things, and I really need to document them so I can remember ha!

Happy New Year!

Christmas Cards!!!!!

*not my kids

This is my first Christmas as a married woman! Hawk and I weren't able to celebrate Christmas together last year, as he was deployed, but this year we intend to go ALL OUT! On the top of my to-do list is getting personalized Christmas cards. We send out cards every year, but this time we plan on sending Shutterfly Photo Cards! This is something I've always wanted to do, they're beautiful!

They have a lot of choices , and I'm having trouble deciding which one I like best. They have all kinds of designs I think we'll go with a black and white picture, with some simple trim. Maybe this one or this retro one

Shutterfly is the only picture printing company I've ever used, and they came out so beautiful, I was beyond satisfied. I just found out that they also sell calendars





that you can personalize with pics of the cute babies or soldier in your life!

Not a wedding post unfortunately

I was all set to write my wedding & honeymoon posts, when I got an insane Trojan from MY SCHOOL'S WEBSITE. So my computer got the blue screen of death and I had to wipe my hard drive. I lost all my pictures, but my husband has them on his portable hard drive. He just happens to be out of town doing Army stuff. So, they are coming (@Becky ;)but it'll be a few more days. Since I have no pics, and need to get back in the swing of things, I thought I'd do one of those "getting to know me" posts:




I am : a bibliophile.


I know : I'm going to kick ass at whatever job it is I end up in after college, even if I can't be a Librarian anymore

I have : a husband, little debt, my own house and a car with no payments

I wish : I wish I was carefree and less serious all the time

I hate : lies and fakeness

I miss : my Mom

I fear : nothing. I'm over fear!

I hear : travel shows that I dvr'd

I smell : apple cinnamon air freshener

I crave : an adventure!

I search : for farmhouses we could potentially buy in the next couple of years

I wonder : why everyone sucks so much, sometimes.

I regret : ever letting fear stop me from ANYTHING

I love : possibilities

I ache : well, my heart does when I see a Victorian house I can't own & lovingly restore

I am not : good at defining myself

I believe : Mumford & Sons music changed my life. Maybe I'll explain why soon

I dance : when I'm drinking, which is so rare

I sing : all day, every day.


I fight : for what I believe in

I win : trivial pursuit like a BOSS

I lose : everything smaller than my hand

I never : eat meat?

I always : start a book and am consumed for 5 hours

I confuse : myself 100% when any math harder than algebra is involved!

I listen : to mournful music all the time.

I can usually be found : reading cooking or exercising

I am scared : of house fires.

I need : new running shoes

I am happy about : my upcoming adventures



That was hard, actually.


Tell me something about YOU that I didn’t know!

Bad Blogger :(

I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a month. I have a lot to say! It'll have to wait though.





I got married yesterday.


And I'm leaving for Ireland shortly, so when I get back I'll do some real posts :)

On the pursuit of happiness...

My passport finally came today!

For as long as I can remember, I've been just a little obsessed with my Irish heritage. I know, millions of Americans claim Irish ancestry, much to the chagrin of actual Irish people. However my maternal Grandfather came here on a ship (as an orphan, no less) and my paternal Grandmother was 1st generation American. I feel this is enough genetic material to back my Irish claims ;)

I read about Ireland as a kid and dreamed of cottages, falling down castles and the Blarney stone. I grew up devouring any information, news and stories I could from the Emerald Isle. Hell, my dog's name is Guinness. There's much more but you get the picture! And, you know, I never actually thought I'd get to go there.

However the past 4 years have changed my life so much. I've been through a lot, lost some precious people and things, but in experiencing that, I found myself. I thought I wanted a certain kind of life, but my fiance and the Army changed my mind. And I couldn't be happier with the direction I'm headed in now. I've seen good friends get stuck in situations they never wanted to be in. Toxic relationships, unexpected pregnancies, poor job & school choices. I'm lucky that my eye has always been on the future. I'm reliable and responsible, so that's just how its been.

Now that I have my future pretty well mapped out, well...it's time to live in the moment for the first time in my life.

So we're going to Ireland next month.

I'm already planning future trips around the world, and I'm (for the first time in years) optimistic about my life, and my chances of being truly happy. I think what held me back before was fear. But I'm learning that I have full control over my happiness and I intend to take every advantage I can find.

Patriot Day

When 9-11 happened, I was 15 years old, 2 weeks into my Sophomore year, sitting in Math class. My teacher was crying, and wouldn't say why. She was a tough old broad and we knew something serious was wrong. When she said a plane hit the WTC we were like, wow how could a pilot not see such a big building. The internet was locked and TVs were removed from classrooms too. We pretty much just sat around talking until the end of that class period.

As I walked into my next class(JROTC)still on a media lockout, nobody knew it was intentional. In our innocent teenage minds, how could we fathom a terrorist attack?? None of the teachers were telling us anything, but slowly we started to get news reports (over our PAGERS) It had to be about 10 a.m. then and it was choatic.

My dad came to the school to get me and I missed the next day too. I've never felt so unstable in my city, in this country. I honestly felt like the world as I knew it was ending. I though a war was coming to our streets, our city. I know I'm not the only one. I used to hang out on top of my garage (yes I was a weird kid) and on that Tuesday I took up a shortwave radio and sat there for 5 hours listening to news reports from all over the world. That day was the first time of only 2, I ever saw my mom drunk.

Everyone was petrified.

3 years later I met a man who had enlisted in the Army a week before Christmas 2000.

He was deployed to Iraq in March of 2003 when the first American Troops arrived in Iraq. He'd been home for 9 months when we met.

That soldier, now my Fiance, has been to war twice. 2 year-long deployments. This last deployment, I went through too. I could never have guessed in a million years that, that warm sunny Tuesday, when I was 15 would map out the rest of my life. As an Army wife,(soon enough) I know the price Americans have paid, and continue to pay. In casualties, and in men and women forever changed by war.

9-11 is the root of this war.

This seemingly never ending war.

We remember this day each year. The lives that were lost and the changes that were made to our country and our lives, forever.

But to military families, EVERY day is Patriot Day. The shock-waves from those attacks are still felt by almost 150,000 American and Allied troops that are STILL in Iraq and Afghanistan TODAY, the Veterans of OIF and OEF and also, their families.

Thank you Troops!

Spotlight on : Our Caffeinated Life

My real life best friend and deployment buddy Bexxx has started sharing her experiences as an Army Wife and the after effects of deployment on a family. Please check out her blog, Our Caffeinated Life.






bexxx and I on our soldier's homecoming day!

Alternatives to chemicals

I was raised by hippies. There I said it. This most likely conjures up images of flowing skirts, long hair, a VW beetle perhaps? Yep, my mom was all that and more. (in fact I have a 1968 Beetle in my garage that belonged to my Mama :) She was an advocate for peace, made all my baby clothes and was a serious animal lover. On top of that she was cheap. My Great-Grandma raised her and her 5 siblings while her mom was working long hours as a waitress. My Great-Grandma came to Ohio from South Carolina when she was 14. She grew up on an Indian Reservation and there weren't many jobs down there. Back in the early 1900's to about the 1970's, Ohio was the rubber capital of the world. Jobs were plentiful and they paid decent wages. They offered benefits and it seemed like a great opportunity for her, as it was for so many.

(nobody is still reading, I know!)

So she brought my mom up, very frugally. All those siblings, they had to stretch things. They usually knew natural ways to clean, fertilize gardens, repel bugs, etc. She was green before there was such a thing as being green! Anyhow, I personally still feel the effects of this. Apart from laundry powder,dish soap, and comet cleanser, I don't buy commercial cleaners. I didn't grow up with them, so they're pretty foreign to me. One of the things that was always around, that I had actually forgotten about until recently, was: 20 Mule Team Borax.



I live in a Township, in a kind of rural place so we have well water. I HATE it! I was having trouble getting my laundry really clean. I was going through 6 boxes of Arm & Hammer baking soda a month. Then it occurred to me that my Mom used something different, Borax. Even though growing up, we had city water, not well. It is a natural water softener, they mine it out of mountains apparently!

SO I went down to Wal-Mart and bought a box (they changed the old fashioned packaging, boo!! End of an era) but they didn't change anything else!

If you have never had to deal with well-water, you won't understand how awful it can be. But let me tell you, I've done 3 loads of laundry and Borax is my New (old) Best Friend. It's multi-purpose and I can't stop using it. It doesn't have any fumes and actually leaves your hands super soft. It's safe around babies, even on their clothes. It gets pet stains and smells out of anything! (I have 3 dogs, they make mistakes sometimes ha)

Obviously I'm a weirdo since I did a whole post about it, but the water situation here had me really depressed. My clothes were dingy all the time, and had a metallic smell from the minerals. All this is GONE! I know there are fancier brands than 20 Mule Team, but you don't need to pay for a name. The huge box from Wal-Mart was $3. It'll do at least 5-6 dozen loads of laundry as well as various other household tasks. I can't stand the thought of using dangerous chemicals, and this is the perfect alternative! I couldn't be happier!



btw obviously I'm not being compensated, my blog is small time. I'm just really happy my awesome, well-loved clothes are finally really clean.

Wordless Wednesday--For Lisa, We miss you.

Progress. Oh wait...

There hasn't been much progress on the solo therapy (ST) and couples counseling (CC) front. Once a week we go to CC and sometimes we take microscopic baby steps in the right direction. Mostly though, it's a totally emotionally draining experience that leaves me with a migraine and wrecks the rest of my day. Our counselor is through the VetCenter and I'm very lucky that they accept me since I'm technically "just a fiance".

The Army doesn't normally recognize you unless you're a wife. I think that's complete bs, since I've been with my soldier for 6 years. I'm the only person that has EVER been there for him, and I know so many other girls are in the same situation and aren't recognized.

Well, this "just a fiance" happens to know the ins and outs of PTSD and TBI, and somehow I doubt that a piece of official paper would change that. I deal with some really difficult things with my soldier which is why we go to therapy, duh. Let's see. . .

Well, first up, there's anger. Hawk has the most unrelenting road rage I've ever seen. He doesn't even have to be the one driving. He'll start off cussing and at the end of his episode, he'll have punched the dashboard (hard!) half a dozen times, almost ran off the road, accelerated to 100 mph to make sure the other guy sees him flip them off etc. He'll weave through traffic screaming at the other cars. He doesn't care if I'm in the car or not. I don't even want to know what he's like when I'm not with him. And it isn't just road rage. We can't go out like normal people because if someone rubs him the wrong way, he will fly off the handle.

Theres the constant zoning out. He can't hold a conversation with anyone. Least of all me. I always find myself apologizing for his rudeness and bending over backwards to include him in conversations. It's draining, so we don't visit others much, or have people over. (Not that he'd mind since all he does is play video games all day and rarely leaves the house.) But more than that, it's killing our relationship. I speak and he doesn't acknowledge me. He never makes eye contact, just stares at the wall. If he does talk he stops mid-sentence and then won't talk again for hours. No matter how much I work with him.


He drinks. A lot of them do. He's an asshole when he drinks too, and that is the time he's most likely to have flashbacks.

I really hate the flashbacks.

He is completely irresponsible. He wont do ANYTHING around the house. He wont even take care of his dog who he loves SO much. He can't handle money anymore because he blows it all, or loses it. It's a struggle to get him to do anything other than warm the couch and xbox controller. I pick up the slack, like I've been doing for the past 19 months since this Hell that is my life began.

Silly me, I thought the deployment would be the hard part.

Next up: Memory loss! He can't remember anything. ANYTHING. I have to write every last little thing down on a huge dry erase board because his memory is shot. He can't remember the last time he talked to his parents or his daughter. Hell I have to make him call his daughter, not that he ever has anything to say to her. I have to feed him topics (ask her about school, ask about her dog, summer camp, whatever). We'll go to a restaurant and he forgets what he likes there. We go to the movies and in the amount of time it takes to get from the car to the ticket booth, he can't remember the name of the movie. He forgets EVERYTHING. I have to remind him his brother's wife's name. Or his other brother's daughter's name. It's always something. He either gets mad at himself and shuts down the rest of the day, or he acts like he's fine while he forgets where he is.

There is so much more, but it's such an everyday part of my life, I honestly can't tell what's normal and what isn't anymore. I forget that not everyone lives like this.

Therapy is supposed to be helping all this. We've been going for 2 months, and honestly things are worse now. Our last CC session I cried for 2 hours and finally walked out. The counselor is not trained to handle PTSD, and she and Him just twist my words and talk in circles. This isn't teenage depression, it isn't simple relationship problems. These are our life problems

And I'm not bitching because I can't handle the responsibility. But who the fuck wants it? When is enough, enough?

Sadness

Finally got a chance to check my reader today and I found out that one of my coolest bloggy friends has passed away. Bumpkin On A Swing was one of the first blogs I ever read, and Lisa was always so funny and kind. She had so much passion and imagination and I always enjoyed anything she wrote. She is already greatly missed and my thoughts are with her dear Captain and friends and family. This is a great loss.

Balance

Well, my last post was venting. I was having the worst week ever and I had to get that out. Things are ok most of the time. Living with a Combat Veteran is a unique experience, I have to say. I've only known him as a Veteran. I met him just months after he returned from Iraq the first time. We lived peacefully for 4 years and then he left again. We are both working to find balance, and that is challenging in anyone's life. Everyone has problems, I know, so I try not to feel so bad about ours. My Soldier is a really good guy. He's a FANTASTIC Father and a fun person to be around and I appreciate that. His problems are serious, but there is more to him than that and I try to remember that in our dark periods.
We had a great weekend! We had his daughter and niece (both 7) and stayed busy from sunrise to sunset the past 3 days.


Niece! She calls herself Spongebob ha



He lets the girls get away with murder ;)




Our Niece and my Step-daughter

So, thankfully we are finally getting the chance to enjoy our summer!

Readjustment reality

I don't blog much. Obviously. I used to and I really love blogging. It's easy to mold your posts to what others expect from you. The thing is, the reason I started this blog is, I need an outlet. I started it when my Fiance was in Iraq. He's been home now for 4 1/2 months so here's what I've learned.

They tell you to wait, and to be supportive. They don't tell you that you can be 110% fucking supportive and you won't get much back.

They tell you that the readjustment period can take up to a year. They don't tell you that there's just a slight chance you'll even be together after the first year back.

3 couples I know from Hawk's squad have broken up and another is headed there. A squad only has 13 people in it. We make the 5th that despite my best efforts, may not be together after the first year.

Hawk was in Iraq in 03-04 when the fighting was really bad there. He went through a whole lot there. 40+ confirmed kills. Some with just a knife. Some with a truck, some with guns. That just the confirmed ones...

I met him when he'd only been home for 9 months. I thought he was dealing with it ok. I've since learned he hides everything.

He has PTSD from the first deployment and suffers from TBI as well. He never got any counseling and that was a mistake. Now that he's home, he goes to solo counseling at the Veteran's Service Commission. I suspect he lies to his therapist since he isn't getting better. We also do couples counseling once a week. It's going nowhere. He gives her lip service and then nothing changes. The after effects of this deployment have destroyed our relationship. We're supposed to be getting married in October, and I'm not even interested anymore. He's volatile, angry, has memory loss, lies constantly about the dumbest stuff.

He was supposed to go back to drill last month. (He's a Reservist) and he found a way to get out of that. He never got his post-deployment physical and mental eval and they're blowing up my phone trying to get him to come in. He's oblivious. Can't be bothered. Nobody tells you it will be like this.

I'll be 24 next month. . .

and I don't know what to do for my birthday! I've been thinking about a camping trip, making a FB event and inviting anyone that wants to come, but the campground isn't sure they will have enough sites. We're saving for our October wedding, so a trip out of town isn't really in the cards. I'm open to pretty much anything. I've never had a birthday party (ever, not even as a kid. Last year my Fiance was deployed so we're hoping to really do something special. But what??

100 days

In 100 days, it will be October 20th 2010. 10/20/2010. This will mark myself and Hawk's 6 yr anniversary. It is also my wedding day. I haven't been the typical bride, we've been engaged for over 5 years after all. Originally we were going to be married on St. Patrick's Day, 2007. We're both Irish and a little quirky, so why not? Ha I even bought a green dress. We were going to have bagpipers and lots of Guinness. But it didn't happen. In October of 2006 my Mom died suddenly/ It was a brain aneurysm. She wasn't even sick. . .

So I couldn't handle a wedding after that. And time flew, we were happy so a wedding didn't matter that much. It's just a piece of paper after all ;) That all changed though, when Hawk deployed to Iraq. We had just bought a house 4 months before he got his orders, and he left 3 months later. It was a yearlong deployment that essentially was make-us or break-us. It made us. Now that I'm older, and after all that we've been through, I really want to get married. It won't be anything fancy, because my family is pretty much non-existant and I am after all a full time student. But it will be MINE and that is all we want. We're celebrating US and I can't wait!

What's new

So, I have been so incredibly busy the past 3 weeks I've barely had time to think about writing! School has been kicking my ass, but I made Dean's list again. I've been car-less for 2 weeks since my piece of shit Kia Rio decided to die on me. I've already paid more to fix it than I paid for the car itself. The money, by the way came out of our wedding money. So long happy normal ceremony, you ain't happening! The only thing getting me through this sweltering summer is that I only have 1 more semester and then I'll have a degree, be married and thisclose to starting a family. My Hawk has a little over 2 years left in the Army, so we have to decide whether or not to stay a Reserve family or even go Active. That, at least would get me the hell out of Ohio!!


Got to surprise the Fiance with a Toby Keith concert. His fave singer, and we got great seats ;) as you can see, someone was having a LOT of fun. . .and beer

Another new thing that is, we've been going to couples therapy through the Veteran's Service Commission. He also goes for solo counseling, and group to help his PTSD. He has a TBI as well, and a serious shoulder injury that may require surgery, so you can see why I've been busy.

With love.

I am fairly new to the blogging world, I don't get to post as much as I'd like due to my hectic schedule and the fact that it takes me forever to learn how to do anything on here! Hyperlinks and buttons, templates etc. HA! So one of my fave new blog world things is these swaps everyone seems to be doing! I have joined into a really cool one for necklaces and nail polish, and I am excited to get my partner. This swap is organized by Katie at Life With The Dietrich's and I know it's going to be awesome :)

A cool giveaway!

My bloggy friend Katie is doing a really cool jewelry giveaway! Visit her BLOG
and enter to win something really cute from Lisa Leonard designs!

Memorial Day doesn't mean BBQ and Beer to us

Growing up, we never celebrated Memorial Day, but we didn't celebrate anything. Not even Christmas. My Mom was Native American and Irish, with veteran relatives going back to the Revolutionary War. My Dad's Father was a highly decorated WWII Veteran, he did 2 tours and earned multiple Purple Hearts in the process. I never go to meet him, he died before I was born. My Dad's brother was in the Army in Vietnam. It changed him. He was "shell shocked" which is modern day PTSD. Long story short, our service members sacrifice everything up to and including their lives.

My Fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years. When we met, he had just got home from a year in Iraq. He is an Army Reservist and has been in for 10 years. In March of 2009 he left again, this time for 400 days. I was left here to keep the homefires burning. And that I did, but I also learned what it truly means to be a military family. These deployments are the hardest thing I can imagine ever going through (and I have had my share of tragedies)

We had to fight to save our life we had created. We succeeded but it changed EVERYTHING.

I am lucky that my Hawk was able to come home from the War twice. I know that there are countless men and women that never made it back. Many more will not. We don't cookout and drink on holidays like this one. We remember the fallen and are grateful that we did not lose everything. It's easy to look at those pictures of flag draped caskets and imagine my soldier in their place. When I say grateful, I mean shaking, crying, grateful. My soldier is my life, I can't imagine a future without him. Those that we have lost, and the families they left behind, we are honoring them today. Happy Memorial Day

Landscaping is my new hobby

Spent most of the past 3 days landscaping my yard. It is in pretty awful shape, but beginning to look a whole lot better. I'm going to take some pics tomorrow and compare them with old "before" pics. I have been renovating the inside for the past year, and now that Hawk is home, I have finally been able to get started on the outside. I've taken to stopping at garden centers just about everyday to pick up some thing or another. I am finally beginning to like being a home owner.

Sunshine Award!!

Well, thanks to Manda at My Explosive life...as an EOD Tech's Wife I have received my first blog award! It definitely made my day, so now I am going to pass it along. Here are the rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog or within your post.
2. Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.
3. Let the nominees know they have received the award by commenting on their blog.
4. Share the love and link the person who gave you the award

So here are my chosen bloggers!

1. Mrs. Jetplane at
Leaving and Loving on a Jetplane

2. Rachael at Senorita Rachael

3. Ms. Bumpkin at Bumpkin on a Swing

4. Chris at A deliberate life

5. Neysa at Dissertation to Dirt

6. Nicole at Mrs. Muffins

7. Lucy at Lucy's Life

8. Aubrey at All About Aubrey

9. Secret Blogger at My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog

10. The Mrs. at Trying Our Best

11. ABW at Army Blogger Wife

12. Sarah at Dance Shoes and Combat Boots

I love these dozen fantastic bloggers and they definitely are the Sunshine in my Google Reader :)

Well,

So, I have had a TON of things going on in the past 2 months. My Hawk is HOME and we have been doing great. I've got one more final and then my semester is over and I will have a lot more time to be online! I also have some projects underway that I hope to document on here. Home improvements and gardening etc. . . We pretty much live at Home Depot (now that they offer a year round military discount like Lowes HA) so hopefully posts will be more regular shortly!

A sweet girl who's blog I follow...

I've been reading Karie's blog for a year and she is an amazingly strong girl. The blog is called "Wife of a Wounded Marine" and I'm so, so very sorry to say that a few days ago, she lost her Marine. It wasn't in theater but the war caused this. Please keep these two brave people in your thoughts...




**Wife of a Wounded Marine**: Obituary

Lovely Package Exchange!

I found this amazing blog and they are currently accepting signups for a Lovely Package Exchange!!

I am SO new to blogger and I am trying to figure out all the tricks for bells and whistles, but until I do I guess I'll just post the link to this Lovely blog:
Oh Hello Friend!
for more info on the package exchange, check it out! But hurry because the deadline is approaching!

Waiting

A certain bird of prey is coming home to the USA in 7 days. He will be back in our hometown 5-10 days after that and finally the hell that is this deployment will end. It wasn't all bad, but the majority of it was something that I would never like to endure again. Since it was a deployment, that is a given, but still. Everything that could go wrong did. We almost broke up. However, somehow we made it through this and since we did that, we can do anything, I am certain. In October we will finally be wed. Its been a long 5 1/2 years and I can't wait to spend the next 70+ with this amazing man that is my Hawk. I am a dreamer at my most basic level, but my years have jaded me. I do not believe in marriage or forever or unconditional love. Despite this, somehow, Love found me and convinced me to ignore all logic and let this man in. He is a good man, a kind, loving man that would do anything for me and I adore him. Plain and simple. I was not brought up watching Disney fairy tales and reading books about princesses waiting for princes to save them. I was raised by a woman who worked every day of her life until her last day. She never depended on a man and yet she LOVED my Hawk. She wanted me to marry him! If this guy, my Sgt. can get THAT stamp of approval, well then he must be something special. 400 long, lonely days without the love of my life. An experience I hope to never repeat. But I know that there are hundred of thousands of girls in this situation. Not all of them miserable, but none as happy as me. Our story isn't one of delusional romantics, but it is after all a love story. It's a story I would like to tell...

Wedding planning is making me craaaazzzy

So we can't decide if we want to elope to Vegas or have a small (as I can possibly make it) ceremony here in town. I'd like to have a ceremony, and I even have ideas for it. The problem is planning is overwhelming, as I am not the most organized of people. Another thing is, well, I lost my mom 3 years ago and I don't have that support. My entire family consists of my dad and brother. I don't have any extended family at all. As Hawk will be home in 3 weeks, and the wedding date is THIS October, I am going to have to start making some decisions asap.

Such a great song

I am nearing the end of a 400 day deployment. My Hawk will be home in abut 6 weeks and honestly, I dunno if I could take any more than that. I am back in school which is GREAT. I had to take a semester off and I missed it so much! I'm taking an interesting Medieval British Lit course and also an Early American History course, so Im surrounded by romance poets and war. Story of my life haha. Anyway I have always had an obsession with sad music. Mournful Irish ballads to current lovesick, heartbreak country songs, I love my despair. The new movie, "Dear John" based on a Nicholas Sparks novel has made this song the focus of it's commercials. The story is about a soldier and the girl that waits for him at home, so I identify with the plot. But I also LOVE the song.

Deployment. KISS MY ASS

Its been a year since DF deployed. His orders were for 400 days and he will be home in about 6 weeks. We dont have a date yet so I cant even look forward to it yet. You learn that fast, being in a mil family, don't believe any date because it'll change every single day. I dunno if the other branches are this ridiculous, but the Army Reserves are so disorganized that it makes life hell. Most of my friends turned out to be self-absorbed assholes so I pretty much cut everyone from my life. Also, DF's family didn't even try to keep in touch with him, so they're out too. He doesn't care, I don't care. All we do care about is each other, he's been so excited lately planning the wedding that he's like a little kid. Obviously in our relationship things are backwards. He's the one excited about the wedding, he is the one that wants kids, I remodel the house by myself LOL. My big scary soldier spends all his free time looking at table settings online. My life cracks me up, I feel like I'm in a cartoon sometimes. Gotta laugh, otherwise I'll never stop crying...